Firefox.

I return, FINALLY, I have my MacBook back in my hands. But it seems, this will be short lived. Placing Firefox from LOVEFiLM into my disc drive was clearly a bad choice, because the fucking disc won't come out again. Even worse Firefox is a whoppingly bad movie, I mean this movie sucked, really really bad. I hope you enjoy my return! I apologise about the flow of this post, I need to get back into the swing of things, so this post feels a little jerky.

Firefox is a mess, the plot can be narrowed down to 'American Propaganda'. Russia designs a plane that seems like something out of a cheap sci-fi movie and America forces a veteran pilot who is highly stressed after going from active combat to civilian life to steal it. Cliched, the pilot is not only 'the best America has got' but an expert in Russian planes and can speak fluent Russian too, convenient. The movie then places much to much detail on Gant's journey to get to plane and then there's a few flight sequences, all of which captured with such awful effects they shouldn't have even bothered.

The most painful for thing for me about this movie is Clint Eastwood. Clint Eastwood is to my family what Jesus is to a Christian family (I mean no disrespect with that comment) so seeing that he both directed, produced and starred in this movie is heartbreaking. What the hell is he doing?

The first half of the movie is pretty much pointless. We get a little backstory about Gant but this backstory really isn't necessary and he's never fleshed out in any other way. We see some shitty diagrams on the Firefox and then we try not to laugh as straight faced actors in military uniforms tell us you can control the weapons on this plane with your mind to gain a several second advantage over manual pilots. Then it's just Gant's journey across Russia, which plays out like a crappy Bond movie. As the movie wildly throws its weight around in punch ups with the KGB, snuffing people out and identity swapping to literally walk right past the dribbling Russian military. It's just really unnecessary, you could have condensed all this into a ten minute montage. Actually no, the music in this film is fucking awful, so I think a ten minute montage would be painful.

When we finally get to the fucking point of the movie, The Firefox, the film just falls apart at the seams. Clearly while writing this Eastwood was weeping onto the American flag blowing above his desk, because the Russians are captured in this film like lots of small children aimlessly running around. Their stupidity doesn't even provide comic effect, it's just embarrassing. And for the first part of the movie Russians speaking English was well implemented, by now the Russian language is now replaced completely by English for no real reason except for the commands you give the Firefox with your mind, which have to be Russian for some reason. Also, the budget must have ran out because the effects were fucking awful (I know this movie is about 30 years old) and the final battle between the two 'super planes' is just lots of barrel rolls and coloured lines which is meant to be missiles.

Interestingly, towards the end of the movie the most interesting part of it comes out. Gant decides he'll spare the life of the Russian pilot who was supposed to fly the Firefox after he beats the shit out of him. This comes back to haunt Gant when the pilot then gets in the second Firefox prototype and attempts to blow Gant out of the sky. Interesting message you placed there Eastwood. Kill your enemies or it'll only bite you in your ass. Kay then!

It's not helped that the whole movie is a badly stitched mesh of cheesy dialogue, sickening patriotism and spy thriller cliches. I'm disappoint, Eastwood.

So should you watch it? Well I only watched it for Jesus...I mean Eastwood. But at two hours long, with really bad plotting and terrible special effects, I could probably only recommend this to Bandit Keith.

Think About It!

-Locke