The Apparition.

I know I vanished for almost a week now - my dog died, so I visited family for a few days and ended up getting a man cold as a result of that. But I'm back and don't worry, I'm not giving up on Friday the 13th, I'm just doing current releases whenever I get a hold of them. Enjoy!

You remember how I said in my LOL review that every film Ashley Greene turns up in sucks, well, yeah... I'm gonna be completely honest in the fact that I watch these movies to have an excuse to gawk at her. Sorry feminists. Plus I guess this sort of relates, with an actress from the Friday the 13th Remake appearing in this movie too (who was also in Altitude, which is a fucking fantastic film that you should all go out and watch)... And yes there is also Draco Malfoy and that dude from Skins in here too, but if you combine their screen time with that chick from Altitude, you have maybe less than fifteen minutes of the films overall running time. To say they have little purpose or place is a massive understatement.

But yes, The Apparition was panned by critics and audiences alike. Holding currently 18% on metacritic. It apparently has such little story, scares or new ideas that it leads to something truly boring, that is much too monotonous to fall into the so bad it's good territory. It was also a box office bomb, although it was only made for 17 million (which isn't a small budget, but far from a big one either), it's made just over half of that back. But then that probably wasn't entirely the films fault, it had a limited theatrical run (it still hasn't had one in some countries) and Warner Bros. were apparently so ashamed of this, they barely advertised it at all. Is it really as bad as they? Well, let's find out...

To say The Apparition has no story to tell is unfair. Saying it has no original story, well that is fair enough but there is a story here - one part ghost story, one part love story. Kelly and Ben rent a house from Kelly's parents in the middle of nowhere, right off the bat things get weird and the weirdness escalates quickly. It also turns out that Ben has a much deeper and more personal connection to the strange stuff going on than Kelly could have realised. And the past can't stay a secret forever. It would first appear that their house is haunted despite the facts pointing against it but it quickly becomes apparent that they are the ghosts target and no amount of running will help them escape, so they gotta stop running and take the ghost head on, which... doesn't turn out so well.

The Apparition even tries to make sense of some of the sillier aspects of the genre. Like why do ghosts spend so much time banging about and leaving doors open? Well because they are fucking with us! It doesn't put it quite like that but the ghosts seemingly random actions are all his way of fucking around with whoever they are haunting, at least they bothered to admit this, bothered to explain that the ghost is doing this deliberately and for a reason. It plays around with us, so it can learn, it is basically using humans as guinea pigs for its experiments, wearing you down until it can finally feed on your life energy. Why does Paranormal Activity's demon spend so much time breaking stuff and moving things around? That isn't to say there isn't some stupidity, however. The tagline reads 'Once You Believe You Die' - I had no idea that would be the literal plot of the movie, Jesus Christ. Pseudoscience everywhere! The characters are really thick too, at one point Kelly tries to nail a door shut, to trap a ghost inside. I just I...how is it possible that someone could be that stupid?

However, for all my praise of the fact that the film goes out of its way to make sense of some of the sillier aspects of the genre, it seems to have little time to explain the things in the film itself. And the longer you think on this, the less this film makes any sense. We come away learning little to nothing about our characters, the so called science behind everything or the villain itself. Actually we come into the film knowing just as much about it as we do coming out the other side. Honestly this didn't bother me too much, it was only upon second viewing that I really noticed it but I know stuff like this can frustrate more mainstream audiences.

The Apparition also has some awful pacing. For the majority of the runtime the movie is moving too fast to notice, but it becomes apparent, especially in the third act, that the reason the film is racing around so much is that it is completely and utterly lost, it has no fucking idea where it's going. We open with a ghost attack, undermining the next hour of build up of the escalating strangeness in Kelly and Ben's house and then the film finishes with an utterly flaccid finish. Although I guess we do have Ashley Greene to look at - and the movie knows it, she isn't exploited exactly but every outfit gets to show off either cleavage, her figure or her legs and I'm not complaining, there is even a shower scene!

Most critics complained that The Apparition wasn't scary but much like with the narrative, I just don't think that is true. Although yes a lot of the scare tactics are cheap and/or unoriginal, there is still no denying that Todd Lincoln knows how to stage a scene, he creates some really great atmosphere. And atmospheric horror is something oddly missing in today's horror gorefests and found footage nothingness.

It isn't to say it's all good though, the music itself for example isn't bad, but its placement and relation to the scenes it's in often feels off and out of place and can undermine and sometimes even confuse the purpose of a scene. There are also moments of truly bizarre editing, some scenes will cut so quickly you'll be left spinning, barely comprehending what just happened while other scenes will be left lingering long enough to sour and have you screaming, 'cut, God dammit, cut!' and yes, my God is there a lot of product placement in this film.

The acting in this film isn't so much bad as it is inconsistent. There are scenes where the actors really seem to be well directed and give convincing and sometimes even powerful performances that completely suck you in. Then there are scenes where the acting just feels...wrong, where no one really seems to be trying, where nothing seems to work, the line delivery is bad, the dialogue is forced and unnatural and it just becomes even stranger when you can literally jump from one well acted scene to an atrociously performed one, by the same actors.

The special effects in this movie are atrocious, using CGI for everything - including things that make no sense to be CGI makes your movie look like shit. I mean CGI looks like shit regardless but I do understand its use in places. However I still believe you should always use practical effects where you can, sure it takes more time and effort but at least your movie won't look this shit.

The Apparition, ultimately, raises an interesting point of discussion and that is the question, 'if something is unoriginal, does that make it bad by default?'. In my mind the answer is obviously, 'no' but many mainstream critics use words like 'generic' and 'clichéd' as go to words to poopoo a movie. Sure, The Apparition hasn't got one original moment in its entire runtime but ghost stories are things that are rarely done right on the silver screen and honestly, no film is so bad that you'd rather watch that string of early 00s Japanese horror remakes instead, surely? Never once during The Apparition did I think something like, 'damn, I wish I was watching Paranormal Activity/The Ring Remake/Dark Water Remake/The Grudge remake/The Pulse remake etc instead', you get my point? So yeah, The Apparition steals a lot and does nothing with what it steals but most of what it takes are from things that are already utterly dreadful, so it actually improves upon them...simply by taking the best aspects from a wide range of shit films and leaving everything else behind.

So do I recommend it? I hate Paranormal Activity, so I've largely avoided the modern trend of haunting movies that bloat themselves with pseudoscience and garbled folklore. There have been highlights, Emergo and Insidious spring to mind but largely I think over the sea of these kind of movies which have flooded us over the last ten or so years and all I can do is stop myself from throwing up from the smell of all the putrid garbage. This probably had a big impact on my overall enjoyment of the movie because I actually quite liked this film. Here I go again, being all 'hipster'. If you're a fan of Paranormal Activity and its army of clones, there is nothing for you here, if you've waited to see a a haunting movie that is free from long stretches of boredom and found footage motion sickness, you've found your movie. Take from that, what you will.

Think About It!

-Locke