For the last five or so years of my life I've been trying to get into comics, hungry for something new after discovering and falling in love with anime and manga. I would say I was basically there at this point in my life, thanks to me growing up with DC anyway. The next challenge then came in trying to get into Marvel comics.
DC was fairly easy to get into, mainly because I had a core idea of what each character was about thanks to my childhood, even with their big crossover mega stories, I never struggled with DC's continuity, much anyway. Marvel on the other hand, I mean sure I watched the cartoons in the nineties and I've watched the modern movies but the comics themselves? They were an alien landscape to me.
I tried out New Avengers but it still relied heavily on the Crossover Megastories which had been happening one after another for the last few years so I really didn't appreciate it. I read some modern Ghost Rider stuff, which I fucking loved. I also have a few more trades on the way.
But I decided the first Marvel Comic I'd ever review, would be this, Ultimate Human. Firstly because it's in the Ultimate's universe, whose continuity is nowhere near as dense as the main universe, plus it sells itself like a four issue action sequence. So this should be a walk in the park for a Marvel noob like moi!
So our first issue opens with an info dump. Like seriously, I could delve into the information shared, but I don't want to come across as an idiot. Because this back story for Iron Man and the back story for The Hulk are so alien to the ones I know and the ones from the movies, it blew my mind. They may as well be different characters. That being said, they kept Stark with a drinking problem, great, they kept the one characterisation I hated the most, thanks!
After our info dump Stark agrees to help Banner with his little Hulk problem, this is however intercepted by 'The Leader' (some dude in a wheelchair with a big head) and their Operation Gamma. I guess they'll become more important later, or something.
We get more jargon about the uniqueness of Banner's and Stark's blood. Banner's containing the Hulk and Stark's containing nanotech.
Anyway, they fly to a base in Tony's superjet with the hope to force Banner to turn into the Hulk while Stark and the gang record the transformation and work out a way to cure Banner from it, I think anyway. Banner also gives this new info dump about Steve Rogers (you know Cap. America) once again I won't act surprised about this information since I don't wanna look to much of a noob. But I must say, Ultimate Cap sounds shit.
Anyway, they place Banner in a special suit so his clothes don't rip when he transforms and then expose him to the atmospheric pressure of Venus to give him the trauma needed to turn into the Hulk. They then learn that the Hulk transformation is evolutionary, every time Banner transforms the Hulk is literally a molecular reconstruction adapted perfectly to the trauma Banner is receiving (which is a really fucking cool idea). So when they try to tranq the Hulk, he just adapts to the tranq so it doesn't bother him. Awesome!
Our second issue opens weirdly with the conclusion to the first issue. Guess they ran out of pages or something. Stark tests out a new suit. The new suit is unstable and has no weapons. Iron Man still wins in the end thanks to an electroshock to Hulk's brain.
The conclusion to this conclusion is, thanks to the fight they have cured Banner for now, yay!
Banner goes on to explain more about what the Hulk serum was all about and how it was a mistake and he wanted to be a modern day Captain America blahblah. Stark gives a nice info dump about his nanites because you know, they are important to the story and stuff.
We learn the reason this is important is that if the Leader drinks the blood of Banner and Stark, he'll have a normal head and be able to walk. And will have superpowers and stuff. The comic then ends with a team of mercs attack Stark's base and gassing and beating him and Banner.
So our final issue opens with Banner becoming the Hulk again, and because the Hulk adapts when he transforms, that cure will never work again. Hulk and Iron Man take down all the soldiers and The Leader, Hulk gets hit by a plain. He's fine. The end, seriously.
THIS COMIC SUCKS.
Do I recommend this? FUCK NO. The artwork is awful, the pacing sucks, the narrative sucks. The promise of a four issue megabattle between Iron Man and the Hulk is non existent. And worst of all? This was written by Warren fucking Ellis, what the fuck are you doing man?
Think About It!
-Locke
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