Well here we are folks, at the last Twilight review I will be doing (well until I see Breaking Dawn, that is). I survived this far, here's hoping I can survive one final positive Twilight Saga review. Enjoy!
Eclipse may have been the first Twilight Saga part I ever watched, simply because it was sold as being the most action packed part of the franchise and really I didn't have much story to catch up on and was pleasantly surprised by how good it was. At least compared to the bile most people seemed to react to the movie with. This, plus my newfound interest in romance movies, would be the reason I'd go back and watch the movie's from the beginning. Finding a rather lovely piece of escapism in Twilight and a genuinely good movie in New Moon. And now I've seen the first two movies, I can say that at least in principle this is the worst of the three.
You see, Chris Weitz was clearly pushing for more of an action movie approach for New Moon which logically makes sense, despite Meyer writing a romance fantasy the whole backdrop of warring monster clans and teenage angst screamed for more action. And he clearly did as much as he could with this desire while still keeping the character relationships and love triangle at the foreground at all times. So what does Eclipse do? Well, exactly the same fucking movie, basically, just not as good. It turns itself into as close an action movie as it can be...while also replacing Chris Weitz with someone else. So not only do they just undo the wrapping up Weitz did for the love triangle at the end of New Moon they basically make the movie he clearly wanted to make but give it to someone else. What fucking arseholes! And then after all that, Eclipse practically finishes where it started...what a fucking waste of time.
What at least can be said for new director David Slade is he seems to be the only director who seems to even try to add horror elements to a story where the majority of the cast are fucking monsters. Although this is by no means scary or particularly dark, this is the closest thing a Twilight movie comes to being gritty and I think it fits, even if it makes it even more generic than New Moon became. And damn straight too, David Slade directed fucking Hard Candy and 30 Days of Night, finally a director for a Twilight movie who I've actually seen the other films of.
And for everyone hissing about the 'deeper meaning' of the movie with the whole marriage sub text thing. Doesn't the film itself explain that marriage really isn't that important? And modern women don't need to rely on men? Edward only forces it because he's over a hundred years old and that is just how he was brought up? Or am I missing something else? This admittedly though, doesn't make Edward any less creepy, for all the support I give this series I really can't understand why Meyer fantasises about her vampire being for what it is worth, an overly obsessive, stalker. I keep having visions of a knocked up Bella and Edward staggers in drunk and just kicks the crap out of her and she just keeps saying sorry even though she hasn't done anything. Actually the more I think about it, Edward isn't just creepy, he's actually kind of scary. Could you imagine if he went off the handle? He'd throw you through a wall like you were nothing, if I was Bella I'd never dare break up with him.
When he isn't coming across as creepy though, it's actually hilarious how poorly written he is, especially in this film. Jacob, despite getting repeatedly shat on by Bella spends most of the movie coming across as a total badass, I can even look passed his weird face now he has a much better haircut. And then there is Edward, bitching and whining and shuffling on his feet. I keep finding myself wondering if something is lost in translation between the books and the movies. As weird as I found Pattinson for the choice as the face of the perfect vampire, Edward's characterisation just confuses me more. I know it's the same old crap people say, but really, do people actually find Edward's personality sexy? Even if I didn't find him downright scary in places, in others I think I'd just find him annoying. And I'm by no means saying Jacob is the better one of the two, he seems only interested in Bella to score points against Edward. I think if Edward stopped acting so annoyed Jacob would just get bored and move on. I miss the days of vampires like Angel. And Jacob isn't without his creepiness either, the scene where he confesses his apparent 'love' for Bella just came across as threatening, 'I know you like me really, so I'm gonna pester you until you sleep with me!' and then forcing himself on her. Meyer sure has a thing for rape analogies. I did laugh pretty hard at the 'broke her hand on my face' thing though.
Oh and you're probably wondering about that cheating thing I mentioned in the New Moon review, yeah I actually feel for Edward here. As creepy as he is, I can totally understand his uncomfortableness with Bella spending time with Jacob. They practically got together when Edward left, and Jacob makes no attempt to hide the fact he wants to bend Bella over and film the entire thing and show it to Edward. He even rubs it in by parading around with his shirt off. Then of course the whole scene in the mountains when she kisses Jacob despite agreeing to marry Edward and all... Lucky girl, she has a choice between a creep and douche! And then Bella does the typical womanly thing and acts like it isn't some big deal. Why can women never understand that sometimes the concept is just as bad? And Edward doesn't help himself. I mean really 'Edward it's okay that I cheated on you because I love you more.' 'Yeah I know, it's fine don't worry about it'. What a crock of horseshit!
Weirdly enough, despite how insanely creepy Edward is he acts as probably the closest thing the movie has to a voice of reason. Bella is like what 17 - 18? And she wants to become a vampire and stay with him forever? I mean seriously? At that age girl, you'll be lucky if you stay together a year, not an eternity and I know, I know it's just a fantasy. We'll get more onto that further down. I mean I'd love to be a vampire or a werewolf, but I wouldn't want to become one at the sake of a person, especially if it means I have to leave my old life behind and just watch all my friends and loved ones grow old and die, not knowing where I have gone. Fuck that, no one is worth that. Pretty much the entirety of the films narrative can be summed up as 'two hours of people telling Bella she is a fucking idiot while she stares blankly into space'.
Once again Eclipse picks up pretty much the moment New Moon finishes but this time Bella didn't seem to hit the Twilight Wikipedia between movies. Thankfully this movie doesn't waste the first half of its running time trying to wrap up the previous film. This one seems to have an actual sense of direction and its own momentum. But it is still structured in the typical Twilight way. Some evil thing (vampires, seriously Meyer mixed messages much?) is mounting in the background, disappearances and so forth, but this pretty much takes the back seat for an hour of romance and teenage drama before it closes up with loads of action and leaves the story behind. Also apparently a staple of the series Eclipse continues with heavy handed metaphorical symbolism throughout about sex and marriage and so on to the point where I want to shoot myself. I mean was the whole Imprinting thing really necessary to add in?
Something else I've noticed is the 'saga' continues to point its own weirdness out, normally to Bella and Bella just acts annoyed about it. Bella is almost like an average Twihard. I'd question if this was ironic metahumour but I'm not giving Meyer that much credit. In New Moon, I think it was Edward who says he's an old man and Bella just kinda shrugs. I think she is the one who points out the superhero thing in Twilight, but with a completely straight face and then jumps to the conclusion of vampires. And then when Jacob points out the fact that Edward is basically an animated sparkly corpse she goes in a huff! I mean she's taking this all remarkably well, if I found out monsters were real my first reaction would probably involve a shit in my pants. I know it's the same old thing, but I honestly find it hard to believe Bella is all there. And I know it's a fantasy so her getting all frightened and going nuts kills the mood a tad, but sometimes I find my disbelief suspended so much the film just kinda pushes me out of it and I can't buy into it any more. The Twilight Saga just seems like the entire time, it doesn't want you to take it seriously, it just wants to be a melodramatic creepy teenage fantasy and you know for all I've said, I'm actually okay with that. At least it is honest.
The effects in Eclipse are easily the shittiest in the series, all sense of style is just completely gone. Twilight had some awful made for TV wirework, but the fight between James and Edward had enough destruction to have a comicbook feel and additions like the speed blur for the vampires in New Moon just looked bloody cool (seriously, how fucking awesome is the Edward VS Felix fight?!), here, with all it gone most of the action scenes just look goofy, and not in a cool comic book sort of way. Which is a shame since there are a LOT more of these sort of scenes than the previous movies. Okay, fine, the dynamic of the whole werewolves and vampires fighting side by side thing was at least interesting enough to make some of the fight sequences entertaining despite the generally goofy aesthetic and the fight sequences at least feel more complete this time around.
I know everyone hates the sparkles, but if you're going to add it, stick with it. So many times a vampire would have direct sunlight on them and no sparkles, shit like that really annoys me. Like in stories where vampires have no reflection and you can clearly see they haven't edited the reflection out or they have but not the clothes as well (vampire clothes?), so irritating. I am by no means a Chris Weitz fanboy, hell I've never seen anything he's directed other than New Moon but SERIOUSLY I just found myself throughout the movie begging for him to come back.
And really, there is just a whole lot less to say about this movie. It isn't as well directed as New Moon, it isn't as well shot, the effects aren't as good, the action isn't as good. About the only positives I have is it is certainly much closer to an actual horror movie than the others and at least uses its screen time better. I mean the first Twilight was two hours long and still managed to find time for a pointless fucking baseball match and as much as I enjoyed New Moon, the final quarter with all the Volturi stuff (which was admittedly the best part of the film) just felt out of place. And it's still better than Twilight which merely got a pass for being about pure crowd pleasing escapism but this movie really just gets a 'disappointing' rating. It's by far nowhere near as shit as Twilight haters will make it sound, but after how competent New Moon was and the fact Eclipse had more action and David Slade, it just makes me sad at just how insanely average it all is.
One thing I certainly can say I enjoyed in this film is some enriching on the back story of the clans, probably some of the coolest scenes in the movie. The Cullen's were really in desperate need of some fleshing out and screentime, I was suitably impressed by their colourful backgrounds even if they run basically along the same lines, Meyer just changes a name here and there and a time and location. But just as an aside, what is wrong with Jasper's face? He always looks inches away from dropping a crap in his pants. But at the same time I find it odd that the romance part, which I thought was the most important part of the story, is practically benched to make rooms for scenes like this. I thought Meyer would be more interested in monster threesomes than trying to turn her fantasy into an actual story? Well either way, I'm not complaining. Although I am confused, if werewolves can only become werewolves when a vampire is near, what did they do before they bumped into the vampires? Are we to assume that this is a hint they were always there? Or are we supposed to buy into all that spirit warrior stuff that totally conflicts with everything we know so far?
So do I recommend this? I'm risking people thinking I'm just trying to be deliberately quirky or pretentious because I know this is the best received Twilight movie, but honestly this is probably the one I'm most likely NOT to recommend. I know New Moon has the worst critical reception but I honestly think it is the best. I mean sure Twilight fails on almost every level, but at least it puts its effort into providing pure crowd pleasing escapism, its love for its fanbase is inspiration. New Moon was just a refined version of that, which is what I thought made it so good. But Eclipse? Eclipse is just a darker New Moon without the imagination or the heart.
Think About It!
-Locke.
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