I personally am a fan of cliches, cliches exist for a reason. Because those are the things we like, pay money for and want in our movies. If we didn't, they wouldn't be cliches. I look to cliches to know I'm going to get a movie experience I'm going to enjoy.
So no, Silent Night, Deadly Night isn't exactly ground breaking, but it has some surprisingly good performances, the effects aren't all that shitty. I mean I really appreciate the days of practical effects over the game cutscene movie effects we get these days and for the most part the whole Christmas thing takes on (albeit a limited) life of its own, rather than just being a simple novelty. What I'm trying to say is, sure this film is shit, but it really isn't as shit as you're probably expecting it to be. I can honestly think of a lot worse Christmas movies. The only real sin the movie has is most of the time it is just fucking boring.
So basically young Billy (that really is his name) witnesses his parents die on Christmas Eve by a guy in a Father Christmas costume. If that wasn't traumatic enough his Granddad who is either mental or pretending to be or I have no idea tells Billy that Santa punishes anyone who isn't good all year. So you better believe his Christmas is ruined. This whole being naughty then getting punished thing becomes a theme for the entire movie. The main problem with this is they use this theme in different forms through Billy's life which gives a real sense that the film has no fucking idea what it is doing and is just all over the place like it's gotten behind the wheel after a few too many eggnogs. Things do tend to get a little confusing when I swear they use the first actor who played Billy again as one of the kids in the orphanage. And things get a little amusing when Billy punches out father Christmas, apparently this kid has enough strength to take down an adult with one punch.
And ultimately not a whole lot fucking happens. It's only around an hour and twenty minutes long and still it manages to feel too long, too slow. There's a surreal, never explained sequence that puts the fear of Santa into Billy and then the film throws together a load of scenes as the boy grows older with the theme of fear of Santa's punishment. Then it just throws in a load of carnage and ends.
Like, why did we have an entire scene of the guy who killed Billy's parents, killing a guy in the convenience store? Was it to add a little action and violence because not a whole lot more would happen for the next hour? Was it to make us go 'aw shit' when we see him pulled over in the middle of the road? Either way it didn't need an entire scene! And if you wanted an entire scene of him, couldn't we have found out who he was or something more important than a random act of violence?
Or like the sex scene in the orphanage? I know it was just an excuse to put some tits in the movie but did we really need an entire scene of it? They'd already ripped his Mum's shirt open and flashed her tits a few times (an image that is used to tie scenes together, weirdly enough) and the film proved to us that you could satisfy the tit checkbox for a slasher without dedicating a whole scene to it!
I expected such a short movie to feel perhaps a little too tight, a little too fast, well it says something when a film this short can be this fucking slow. I never thought I'd say it but LESS TITS MORE VIOLENCE PLEASE. I came looking for a slasher film about Christmas, not a softcore porno with an emotional edge. FUCK. I honestly think if this movie had any more padding there'd be no fucking movie left. And it's made even worse because the copy I had was the unrated extended edition, I guess the scenes they added were the actual movie bits since people didn't like an hour of padding and nothing else. I mean we get a bloody flashback to his parents death like every five minutes.
What I can say, in a good way for the movie, is that it does do a pretty good job of setting up the 'aw shit' moments. The main crux of the film is Billy working in a toystore around Christmas and a series of events lead him into actually playing Father Christmas, for the most part this feels natural and uncontrived and leaves you going 'aw shit'. And it does lead into the carnage, which is the best part of the film.
Yeah, so about that. The slasher movie does actually fucking turn into one in like the last half of an hour of the movie. And this part is kinda fun, especially since it is the guy we are following who becomes the slasher. I mean I know it was kinda obvious that was gonna happen, but it beats our protagonists being a load of tit flashing drunken teenagers. This time we actually get to follow the killer around as he partakes in a spot of ultra-violence. But when your set up is the longest part of the entire movie, you really need to go back into the cutting room and rejiggle, pacing doesn't work that way.
You know what else this movie actually does rather interestingly? The characters who come under attack from Billy actually try to call the police, they don't just try solve it on their own! I mean sure it doesn't work, but it makes a nice change. Plus the movie does a good job of actually providing explanations for things that seem rather contrived, with other contrivances admittedly but it's still nice that it tries.
So do I recommend this? The movie has an odd, but interesting way of tying everything together. Sometimes with a line of dialogue or an image motif. But honestly the pacing is just plain shit, they did not need 45 minutes to set up Billy's transformation into a slasher, they probably needed about 15. But when Billy's transformation is complete, his little rampage is good fun, there are some imaginative and some less imaginative deaths and the effects are good and it all ends rather neatly. So I can't flat out deny a recommendation but if you do watch it, prepare for a lot of boredom before you actually end up enjoying this movie. Unless you are easily swayed by shots of tits.
Think About It!
-Locke.
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