Abraham Lincoln vs. Zombies.

So it's been a while since I've done a movie review and generally when that happens I like to fill the time by reviewing an utter piece of shit, that might actually end up surprising me like Black Belt Jones did, enjoy!

If you're sat there wondering if I somehow got the title to the movie wrong, no I didn't. With the release of practically every major blockbuster there comes an Asylum version. What is 'The Asylum' you may ask? What they are, are absolutely genius, they basically rip off every major blockbuster, make it for less than a million dollars - make enough changes to just about avoid a lawsuit and you know what? It works. It is currently documented that The Asylum have never lost money on a movie - which is hilarious when Hollywood is making the films they are ripping off and generally they lose money on 6/10 movies they put out and the remaining four normally just break even, it is extremely rare for a Hollywood movie to actually make any money. However most Asylum movies break even in around three months and anything more than that is profit.

Before anyone condemns The Asylum for this tactic, The Asylum were practically forced into doing this because they weren't making any money. With Multiplex Popcorn flicks being absolute giants, low budget straight to DVD indie movies find it very difficult to find a footing and isn't often worth the hassle. So about seven years ago, the knock offs began, because at least then their movies got watched. And to be fair, The Asylum movies always contain original stories (not very good ones) but at least they actually bother to do more than a low budget shot for shot knock off. It's also worth a note The Asylum have no real restrictions - big studio movies want their certificates as low as physically possible to get the maximum amount of people in to see the movie. The Asylum don't have to bother with that.

That being said, Asylum movies are extremely rushed to keep costs down. Most Asylum movies are thought up and then completed within four months. I know, that is fucking insane. They manage to film around 15 pages of script a day, that means they can finish a whole movie (in terms of shooting at least) in less than two weeks. The scripts themselves normally take less than two months to be completed. With a similar amount of time given to all the production side of the films as well. And sadly, it shows. Sometimes the films can be surprising, sometimes the films can be hilarious, sometimes they can be shitty but in that enjoyable B-Movie sense but most of the time the movies are just shitty, as in the plain, rubbish shitty.

Now I will be reviewing this movie as a movie. I know all that context about rip offs and so on is crying out for me to do a comparison review, but honestly Vampire Hunter is meant to be pretty shitty and one piece of shit, could be better than another piece of shit...but at the end of the day it's still shit, so it really isn't worth my time.

Set in 1863 the movie takes place seemingly in an alternative reality. Not only did Abraham Lincoln have to kill his parents because of a zombie outbreak, but he also lives in a world where no one can act. President Lincoln wants peace and shit so he heads over to Gettysburg to do a speech or something because he is the United States president. To be fair, I know very little and care very little about American History so this was all a little lost on me which is why I'm going to make no comments about the obvious problem with the races of actors in and more importantly not in this movie. Also apparently there are quite a few other nods and references to American History, but you can discover them for yourself because I haven't a fucking clue what they are. Thankfully it never lingers on historical accuracy for long, mixing in zombies wherever it can. Lincoln and his team eventually go and investigate the apparent 'cannibals' that rushed in and slaughtered everyone during the battle, with Lincoln knowing more than most but for some reason not telling anyone anything. So basically 12 men lead by Lincoln + anyone they pick up on the way vs an army of zombies with four objectives: Find the source of the infection. Stop it spreading. Do not cause mass panic. And save the world. Come on, this is fucking awesome. I mean how do they stop the zombie infection? They kill everything with the sharpest thing they find, of course.

To be fair the special effects and cinematography are pretty good considering the context of this films conception. I know lowering your standards and being surprised isn't really a positive recommendation but this movie has decent special effects and cinematography for a movie...not just a knock off movie. That being said, when your budget is tiny, maybe you should just use stock footage for locations, rather than using CGI because it looks fucking awful. It also looked pretty fucking awful when they tried to get around their limited number of extras by using CGI to increase their numbers. If you look close enough into the larger crowds, you can see four or five versions of the same person.

So thankfully with the decent cinematography and special effects when the movie has already descended into all out zombie slaying violence within the first twenty minutes of the movie, the film managed to really hold together well and hold up its awesome premise. And not only does it hold together, the film bothers to put in time and effort to give a certain amount of style to the action too. Although much of it is pretty clunky to be fair, there are moments that are genuinely really awesome. All leading to one literally explosive finish. Although why is there so much fake facial hair?

What isn't so great is the editing, some of the cuts between scenes or even in some cases between shots are so jumpy it looks like something has been cut out. And in places it would appear that is exactly the case as things appear and reappear between shots. So overall the editing is in places, pretty bloody awful.

And okay, the acting isn't great either but the movie takes the whole thing quite seriously and I know sometimes if a campy movie takes itself too seriously it can come across as really goofy. But at the same time if a movie just makes itself overtly silly...it's horrible to watch and I think vs. Zombies finds a decent balance of feeling like a cheesy B movie but still retaining an air of seriousness that allows you to appreciate some of the darker and more horror orientated elements. Spotted out are some genuinely really exciting, tense moments and the film for a majority of its run time is truly bleak as it seems nothing is going right for our heroes, as things become more desperate with each passing minute and this is powerful stuff. Hell it doesn't even have a happy ending. But this doesn't come without some awful line delivery...or some awful lines to be delivered. There are some moments that are truly awesome and some that are so corny you will cringe in horror.

This is especially true of Oberst Jr. (yes the Facebook stalker from that Lollipop film) who seems to take his role as Abraham Lincoln much more seriously than the movie deserves. His performance is so good, he seems almost out of place in this B-Movie world. But then he has to give these huge speeches and he's giving it everything he has got but the speech itself is just awful so it's just bad.

It's amazing how the movie manages to be both your typical zombie movie, your cheesy B-Movie and also manages to fit in some genuinely interesting ideas. The fact that Lincoln is involved is more than just window dressing, especially considering there is a civil war going on right now in the context of the film, but everyone must band together to face the zombies and the film actually gives time and pace to the zombie infection and how the people act around it. Even going us some insight into the origin of zombies in real world lore. Hell they even make up some of their own. It's feel like the put way more effort in than was needed.

So do I recommend it? In the end vs. Zombies blew me away by being a decent movie in its own right. I mean it is no masterpiece, but for what basically amounts to a rip off of a current movie they put way more effort in than was really needed and in the end it pays off. I think there is something that basically everyone can enjoy here. There is stuff for horror fans, stuff for action fans, stuff for exploitation fans, stuff for history fans and stuff for basically anyone that enjoys having fun. If you have two hours to kill and want something easy and fun, then take a look at this - looking at the critical response to Vampire Hunter this might even be the better movie. Hell if anything was going to put people off from this movie, it'd probably be just how bleak it is, right until the very end.

Think About It!

-Locke