Arrow: S01E03 - Lone Gunmen.

So, Supernatural was great this week so can Arrow also please be great too? Or at least be better than it was last week? Let's hope so!

If I told you this weeks episode involved Green Arrow hunting the assassin Deadshot, would you be interested? Because don't be, they manage to make a great story idea into a really fucking boring one. It's like a superhero soap opera without the superheroes and instead with a majority of the episode being given to Thea and her downward spiral and the immediate people in Ollie's life but I don't care about any of that shit, I'll go to Beauty and The Beast for romance, I came here to see a guy in a green hood shoot people with arrows. Deadshot is way more important, both in the story and in the list of things that are interesting, so why is the immediacy given to Ollie's best friend bonking Laurel who he cheated on? I mean I won't go as far as to say I don't care, character development is important but this. is. so. boring! They even put Deadshot on hold to develop Diggle, WHY. Grr.

The Lone Gunmen is one of the worst things I have ever seen and that is coming from a guy who laughs at Z-Grade Cinema for a hobby, so to reflect this, I'm going to do this review in a slightly different style than I would normally. Namely in a form of a list of everything stupid and everything that makes no sense in this episode. This whole show is so stupid, it causes me physical pain. I like how Supernatural has been improving and now Arrow here has taken its place as the show that makes me want to pull out my hair, cry a little and rock backwards and forwards. But anyway, here is the list:

He is going to build a nightclub over the top of his base? Really? Anyone else think that is really dumb? Like Ollie acts like it's really clever, giving him an alibi - but unless he has a air-tight, non-lethal, security system, I give it like a week before a drunk person wanders off/a member of staff finds it at the least and hopefully doesn't get killed by his security measures. Then again this plan is so dumb we'd be lucky if he remembers to have any.

How can a public icon like Ollie just pretend he is in the Russia Mafia and have everyone believe him? And they don't even explain this, they just say 'he checks out' what the hell does that even mean? Other characters recognise him, in the same episode, what do Russian gangsters just not watch TV? And he opens the episode with a speech about protecting his family and then later in the episode goes to visit gangsters in his street clothes? Why?!

So Green Arrow goes to Deadshot's hotel room, he knows that this man is extremely hard to track down - so this really is his only chance, so he has to plan this incredibly carefully, if he screws this up, this guy could go after his family. So what is his plan, to use his stealth that he's used before, capture the guy all sneakysneaky before the guy has a chance to escape? No, because that'd make a lick of fucking sense, he just decides to kick the fucking door down and go in arrows blazing, what the hell did he expect would come of this? He almost got his own family killed because he chose to wave his fucking dick around rather than use his fucking brain.

Ollie can build arrows that have USB drives in them that can download stuff off of computers seemingly automatically and completely specifically but he can't salvage a laptop where only the screen has been damaged? Okay, if we have to believe that piece of mind bending stupidity let's question the next thing...he just walks into the IT department with the laptop and asks them to fix it, then just sits with them and looks through it? You opened the episode talking about keeping this a secret to protect your family, you are doing a terrible fucking job at it.

Keeping on that subject, I'm pretty sure that hood and green paint does a decent job for people who don't know you, but you don't even try a stupid voice so why can't Detective Lance, a man who truly hates Ollie, not be able to tell Ollie's voice? And before you tell me that it's just your normal comics stupidity and point out Superman and his stupid take off his glasses thing, this show is supposed to be a realistic take on the genre so this makes no fucking sense. If my friends put their hoods up I don't suddenly have no idea who they are, especially if they are still talking in their voice. Oh well, fuck it, I'll reveal who I am to my security anyway.

Hey, I'm Green Arrow, I give you a full of myself speech about murder, claiming we aren't same before I murder you. I mean you didn't waste a second, you literally told a guy off about murder and then murdered him right after the full stop. Great writing guys, just great.

Something positive, something positive...I guess in the episodes defence, because there is so little action, when it finally happens we just appreciate a break from the boredom so much, we'd love it regardless. But in all seriousness though, the action and stunts feel a lot cleaner and much closer to how it was in the pilot this week and the final five minutes or so were pretty fun. Just a shame there wasn't more of it.

Arrow has already become one of those shows where the majority of people think it sucks but the small fanbase it does have are so insecure...I guess of it getting cancelled or whatever...that they viciously (well as much as you can on the internet) attack anyone who points out any of the shows glaring faults. Just check out the first comment on last weeks review. But I'm one of the majority, I'm sorry, this show fucking blows. It's both boring and incredibly stupid. I know I can't say I hate a show three episodes in, but I'm getting there. I honestly don't know if I can make it through a whole season of this without either a brain aneurysm or a heart attack. The pilot was so good, what the fuck happened? Okay something positive, something positive...erm...well I'm a straight dude and everything but Stephen Amell sure is gorgeous, isn't he?

Think About It!

-Locke