Dragon Wasps.

Well while we are on the topic of schlock released in 2012...

You know the film is gonna be great when it doesn't even have a Wiki page...then again Arachnoquake didn't either and since I already padded the last review with the SyFy background, let's just get straight into this one...

To talk about the plot, I need to talk about the pacing because Dragon Wasps suffers from some awful pacing and it has a direct impact on the plot. Arachnoquake felt well paced for what it was, with each scene and character feeling like it served a purpose...here not so much. Dragon Wasps feels like they had a set of bullet points instead of a script and so the film bounces from plot point to plot point with a sense that they don't really know how to get to each one, padding the film out with what feels like filler to stop the film from being twenty minutes long. Although it wasn't complicated, Arachnoquake had goals, conflict and a clear sense of direction, Dragon Wasps meanders all over the place. I mean there are Dragon Wasps, but there is this whole mystery subplot around a characters father, these border patrol soldiers, some voodoo wizard...guy, what the fuck is going on? What does any of this have to do with Dragon Wasps? Stop wasting my time. As it actually turns out this film isn't really about Dragon Wasps, it's about some soldier chasing some wizard. The wasps are just something that happens to be in the background of the films world, there to be an annoyance rather than a threat and to give the film a set-piece ending. And whenever all this plot that each feel like they've come from another film finally crosses over, it just feels so forced and coincidental and at some points the threads are so conflicting, they actually end up contradicting each other and create glaring plotholes. Some of those scenes I think are attempting to world build (?) but the films world building is so awkwardly constructed.

Dragon Wasps also stars some of the worst soldiers ever put onto film. Sure the gang in Predator spent most of the movie shooting at trees but when it came time to get the job done, Arnie got it done. Here the soldiers incompetence seems to actually be one of the main catalysts of the film as they stumble from one hilarious mistake to another and although I'm no soldier, the basic mistakes they make throughout this film would surely be avoided by real soldiers. So plot hole? Then again the entomologists don't look like they could spell microscope, let alone use one, so I guess you need to take this all with a grain of salt.

And wow the acting is awful in this - there are few films I've seen where the cast have less chemistry than they do here. I'm a huge fan of adult films, and not just for masturbation reasons, and I can tell you Busty Cops had better acting moments than this film did. I mean I won't say it is any worse than Arachnoquake but it did seem like for most of the film the cast were reading off a Teleprompter and struggling to read from it at that. The actors often stumble on their lines and in other films I'd assume this was a directorial decision to try and make the film feel less scripted, here I just think they didn't have the time or money for multiple takes. Once again none of this is helped by utterly horrible dialogue, it's truly cringeworthy in places.

Although given the films budget and the general look of CGI before 2012 the films CGI isn't that bad...okay yes, the CGI is fucking awful. The wasps look okay up close and are integrated well, but when not in close up the CGI looks so fucking cheap and so poorly integrated in. Hell most of the effects are incredibly blurry, probably on purpose to hide how shit it is, it still doesn't hide that the monsters aren't even consistent. Look out for the practical model they use for a dissection mid-way through and tell me that even looks half like the CGI wasps (protip: it doesn't, in the slightest).

The action isn't that bad I suppose, it's a little clunky in how its constructed but the action more than functions, especially with the films small budget. The difference here however is Arachnoquake wasted very little time getting to the spiders, here we get one scene with the Dragon Wasps, then have to wait until act two before we see them again and then they leave again, pretty much as soon as they come back, disappearing for a long stretch largely until the third act. Then again the lack of Dragon Wasp action is probably for the best given how awful they look. However once again there is some surprisingly creepy body horror as well, the wasps whole purpose involves crawling in your ear, laying their young and waiting for them to hatch through your face. Shudder.

One of the biggest problems with Dragon Wasps is clearly its budget. Looking back on Arachnoquake the creaks from a strained budget become quite obvious, especially if you started the film looking down your nose at it. However if you like those kind of films, as I do, I personally never really noticed just how much the budget was straining until the final act. Here, cheapness bleeds from every scene from the very start and this wouldn't be a problem under a talented film maker but director Joe Knee reeks of ineptitude. Rather than utilising creativity and ingenuity to hide the limitations of your budget, it seems Knee just cut corners in every place he possibly could without the film completely falling in on itself. And this feeling really does come to forefront a lot, Knee isn't trying, honestly after watching Dragon Wasps I'd rather take the insincere B-Movie wannabes that try way too hard over a film like Dragon Wasps which does just not seem to care.

And yes, I know the film has a lot more fun with itself than say Arachnoquake did. A central part to the film involves two soldiers and a entomologist getting high on cocaine and storming a giant fire breathing wasps nest but the film never ends up being as fun, goofy or silly as that concept seems to suggest. The only thing the film gets right from that concept is just how utterly stupid that concept sounds and there is a big difference between stupid fun...and just plain stupid.

So do I recommend it? Ultimately what I'm trying to say is Dragon Wasps is boring, it took the easy route, it took a goofy title and hoped people would pick up the film on the novelty value of the title alone. In a sea of SyFy originals, it's seemingly becoming harder and harder to pick out ones that actually put in even a little bit of effort. At least Arachnoquake tried to be more than just a goofy central concept and hell Cockneys vs Zombies was a great film. Dragon Wasps has no excuse to be so insanely dull. Look, I know no one was surprised this film turned out to be terrible but it's still hard not to be disappointed. Dragon Wasps...Dragon Wasps turns out to be exactly what its name destined it for, a film that belongs on the Poundland DVD shelf and not really anywhere else. Maybe if you've never seen a B-Movie monster flick before, you'll appreciate this because you think this is all the genre has to offer but trust me, you can do so much better than this, B-Movie's aren't always this bad.

Locke's final reaction:

Think About It!

-Locke, the world's worst film snob.