The Hurt Locker (I'm gonna shorten it too THL from this point) is basically (but not exactly) narrativeless. It's set in Iraq and depicts a powerfully and gritty window into the war. This is clearly a strong piece of propaganda because there is nothing good to be found about this war in this movie. No flag waving. Just explosions and psychiatric health but much in say 'Eastenders' our main characters have their own story arcs, there just isn't much of a story overhead. No singular enemy to train and fight against. Just terrorists all around and some civilians to save from roadside bombs.
And yes, at moments it's painfully generic and gets close to that typical American gungho trash where they ride nukes with cowboy hats on (okay it never gets near that bad) but then, with it's abundance of twists that always turn around to slap you in the face. It's simply a beautiful masterpiece of cinema that truly violates your senses that makes you want to find Bush and kick him in the nuts until all his babies bleed out!
Well our main character William (good fucking name!) James is an insanely attractive (in a purely bro kind of way, of course) heavy smoker. He's the archetypal gungho war addict who still gets the job done and saves his men and the day and he does this well and with style. But you gotta really be hooked on the high of war if you choose risking your neck in Iraq over banging Evangeline Lilly every night, the lucky bastard. Don't worry girl, if yo' lonely, Bill is here. There are slight hints to his past, mainly at one point where he takes off his shirt and has what looks suspiciously like flack scars, what the significance of this is unclear but it's nice to have a little extra detail now and then (maybe I need to watch this movie again). The worst part of his character isn't so much his archetypal gungho business but more the fact that his emotions are all over the place. I can understand that the war may have messed with his head and all that and his emotions may have been shown all over the place to show how mood swings can really be. I get that. But I just don't think it worked.
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His support come in the shape of a truly uninteresting seemingly token black soldier named 'Sanborn'. Before this becomes a huge thing about me being racist, I don't think he's uninteresting because he's black and I don't think he's an ass because he's black he's just one of those kinds of people I hate (no I don't hate all black people), 'always follow protocol' deviating from the rules is what makes life fun! It's also insinuated he's been raped by a man before (seriously, watch his reaction again when Will 'rides' him). And the psychologically unstable 'Eldridge' who is basically the shittiest soldier of them all, but is probably the most human too. He blames himself for a key death at the start, then blames Will for his later injuries (but it was actually because he's a pussy) and ends up getting his councillor blown up with pathetic bravado.
Okay so those twists? Okay...not exactly twists, per se, but the movie never really goes where you expect it too, but wherever it does seem to go, it causes the viewers the pleasure we get from pain. Whether it's a man screaming that he has a family before he disappears in an explosion from a device strapped to his body. Whether it's one of the main characters dying in the first ten minutes or whether it's that moment we see the little boy turned into a bomb. This war is fucked and it's not pulling any punches to deliver home just how fucked it is.
Plus the tension in this movie, holy hell, edge of your seat stuff. Admittedly not a whole lot actually happens in this movie and there's never really a huge epic set piece gun battle or anything (although the sniper standoff is incredible). But somehow, every time Will attempts to disarm a bomb or the team run through what should be a routine mission you're holding your breath and 'just waiting for the bomb to go off' (arf) admittedly this format is rehashed throughout the whole movie and it does start to get a little old. Go to mission, everything seems routine, Eldridge gets spooked, but everything is okay, something explodes or someone gets shot, chaos ensues, they're all okay. I guess it's a little like the A-Team, haha.
You know, honestly? I have so much more to say, but I've spoiled this movie enough, GO WATCH THIS MOVIE! It can be arty, it can be gritty, it can kick you repeatedly in the teeth and then it can make you laugh out loud.
Movie number two is 'Adventureland'. Admittedly I hate the general vapidness of 'teen romcoms' but I find Kristen Stewart cock achingly attractive and wanted to see a movie with her in that wasn't the shitty Twilight series. What did I learn? She can't act for shit and has the ugliest fucking voice of all time. Aside from that however, I'd slam it until it bled, if I was gonna be honest.
Adventureland is unsurprisingly about a virgin who mets a girl he doesn't believe he could ever get with, something goes wrong, they break up, he defies logic to get her back, we all go 'aww' and the credits roll. I would like to then say Adventureland puts a twist on this formula but it doesn't, at all, the only difference is it's in the 80's and set at a themepark, but even that doesn't deviate from the formula very far. I'm waiting for a teen romcom about a pair of serial killers...I guess we have Natural Born Killers for that, but that isn't really a teen movie...
It had a pretty good cast, I suppose (Kristen marry me please...but please don't speak your voice makes me flaccid), and I guess it can be pretty funny in places and it hits all the right teen romcom notes. The main problem is, I don't really like teen romcoms anyway. I just don't understand why people want to watch movies about people going to malls and nightclubs and playing video games and stuff, true, you could never truly find love like you can in a movie, but aside from the romance thing, the kind of stuff the characters do in these movies I do in my spare time anyway, I may as well just film myself across a day and watch it in the evening and then maybe make out with a mirror to complete the image.
The pacing is pretty awful actually. It's a two hour long movie and the two leads (Kristen and Jesse) seem to fall madly in love with each other way too fast. And when Jesse eventually cheats it just feels rushed and badly scripted, I'm sure they could have done it smoother. And what's with the peado Ryan Reynolds character? For that matter why is such a great actor so regularly in shit movies with even shittier parts? A cool engineer who plays music? I mean seriously, come on dude! You can do so much better than this trash!
I mean it's not like it's shit, Kristen Stewart's occasional flash of skin more than dragged me through and towards the end I guess...I was kinda...I dunno...maybe...kinda...falling in love...with her...or something....anyway! But for the girls? I dunno. Does Ryan get yo' wets? Or does Jesse for that matter? (if the answer is yes, maybe there are chances for guys like me cuz this dude is one creepy motherfucker), otherwise I can't see much reason for you to sit through this, unless you like these trashy kinds of movie anyway which you probably do.
So there you have it really...this doesn't really need a sum up. Generally? Locke says 'avoid' (unless you like Kristen Stewart).
The final movie (arf, you'll get the joke any second now) is 'Final Destination' (see) a movie sent by 'LOVEFiLM' who always seem to pick the item with the shittiest critical reception. But HAH fuckers, I sorta liked this movie, so that means I sorta win, bitch!
Final Destination's greatest strength (aside from Ali Larter) is it's premise. Death is predetermined, if we in someway cheat death, someone has to pay the price, simple as. The only fall down here is, if death is predetermined then surely avoiding the death should be predetermined too? GAH! This makes my brain ache almost as much as watching 'Deja Vu' at 2 am.
I mean there's Ali Larter and some pretty incredible death sequences. The plane disaster at the start is both disgusting and breathtaking, the detail as Tod is strangled is frightening and as the movie goes on the deaths become more and more ridiculous which should probably be bad, but it comes closer to hilarious. I mean come on, that teacher lady was like set on fire and electrocuted and then stabbed and then stabbed harder and then blown up, I heard the Unreal Tournament voice in the distance shouting 'OVERKILL'.
Aside from that however, my God this movie was a piece of shit, I mean seriously. It's probably the worst script and acting I've seen in a long time. The characters are terrible and as they deliver key lines it just comes across as confusing and cheesy. I mean what the fuck was that black guy all about in the funeral parlour? Plus it made little sense as to why death stopped trying to kill the final three for six months, let them get all the way to Paris, wait for the three to then bring the subject up again before trying to kill them maybe Death just gets offended when talked over dinner between students? I guess I would be, 'cuz students never have anything good to say about anyone, I would know. Maybe Death just wants some love.
Also Ali Larter, but what in the fuck is going on with her boobs in this movie? They jut out like she's got them resting on a tray in her shirt, it's more like a fire hydrant down her top than breasts. I understand they aren't all that big, but is this really the best they could do to make them look larger? That's fucking hilarious guys, you crack me up! Why not just put her in a tight t-shirt? Unless that's how her breasts go when put under pressure? Babes, you got some funky shaped boobs.
Should you watch it? It's, much like most modern horror movies, seriously entertaining trash. At least give it a rent.
Think about it!
-Locke.
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