Solomon Kane. (spoilers)

I happened to be out with a friend and this happened to be on. I think I saw the trailer for this once, but I just watched it randomly rather than wanting to see it or anything, so maybe this won't be all that biased. But there won't be any less rage, enjoy!

Solomon Kane is kind of like Lord of the Rings, only with magic. It follows no real historical guidelines but instead set in a fantasy 1600's England of guns, witches, monsters and sorcery. This is apparently the origin story of what is set to be a trilogy. Which sets Solomon up as a duel weapon wielding badass who fights monsters and gets crucified. It's very gory and very wet.

All in all, aside from a rather rushed narrative (that yet still feels empty most of the time) and hell of a lot of plotkai (when the main character defeats seemingly unbeatable odds with barely a scratch) and a pretty awful ending, this film is actually pretty good entertainment. It looks and feels fantastic, is scrumptiously dark, it's full of insane gory action and unlike Lord of the Rings sorcery means they actually use fucking magic!

Yeah, holy hell is this movie dark, constant repeated images of burnt bodies and people hanging from trees. The rain constantly turns the ground into muck and the monsters are so ugly and disfigured, it all looks incredible. Seeing a little girl turn into an ugly old witch is really fucking scary, in a good way. 

The action is really fucking awesome too, often fantasy comes across as really cheesy and nerdy but Solomon makes fantasy badass. Whether it's riding on the back of a horse and dealing with enemies with twin pistols, setting enemies on fire or slicing multiple necks at one time he does it all AND he does all of this in a cape that swings around in slow fucking motion fucking, badASS, okay I admit I'm taking the piss a little here. Haha.

There is one huge problem with this movie however, but it may be...just maybe that I'm looking into this too deep but I'll address this anyway, holy shit, this movie is like a huge advert for Christianity. Propaganda? Hell fucking yeah. 

So should you watch it? Nah, it's not worth the seven pound twenty I had to pay to get in to be honest. There is tons of action and that action is undeniably well done. But it's all the shit caked around it that lets the movie down, obvious twists and Christianity dry humping galore. 

Think About it!

-Locke.