Vampire Journals.

Okay...this next film...well it's written and directed by Ted Nicolaou and features vampires. However I have no idea if this is an official Subspecies spin-off or why it exists. Information on the series is oddly lacking on the internet, even Trancers had more around on the net than this and that had barely anything. Either way, it came out between the third and fourth instalments of the Subspecies series, so I'm doing this one next and Bloodstorm after. Enjoy!

Now I got told this film was pretty awful and it has less than a 6 on IMDb much like the others however if you look at user reviewers and comments in the forums they say things like, 'this is a timeless vampire classic', so I'm not even sure if this film is actually any good or if they are just being ironic/sarcastic. Oh well, enjoying something ironically is still enjoying something in some shape or form, so let's dig in.

For the first forty or so minutes, Vampire Journals is actually a really great vampire flick but Nicolaou clearly had no idea how to end it, so we get to see the film run into the ground for a further forty minutes which really is a shame, because it shows a lot of promise. It largely centres around bright eyed pianist Sofia, who came from New York but is now playing in Eastern Europe...for some reason. She is basically Betty Elms two years before she existed. She is a massive idiot and her stupidity is bound to frustrate you through the entire movie. She eventually gets mixed up with vampires because she is so good at playing the piano, she makes vampires cry! The good vampire is named Zachary who has been travelling the world, slaying vampires in the name of vengeance and the evil vampire is named Ash, who is a poor man's Radu, who also runs a club where he turns people into vampires for money, no don't expect this to ever be explored or explained. This is largely where the film begins to fall apart, as it stops having less of an actual plot...and just characters meandering about. Sofia gets captured by Ash and Zachary has a chance to save her but doesn't because of...reasons, I suppose. Although he does at end...for reasons. Oh and there is a magic sword and some betrayal plot and I don't know, I don't think I've ever seen a film stretched so thin.

The first thing that needs to be said is, stop with the bloody endless monologuing! Not only are the monologues really bad and delivered really poorly, it's just so annoying, it's just endless noise. Shut up, shut up, shut up! I really hate you, Zachary and you look a lot like Handsome Squidward.

Sadly even the solid first forty minutes is let down consistently by the worst acting in the whole series. I mean I know the acting has never been particularly good in the series but here it is a whole new level of bad and it undermines a lot of the better moments of the movie. At the same time however, it does add a new level of enjoyment because in a lot of places the film is hilarious, for all the wrong reasons thanks to the truly awful acting from the whole cast. Also, it would look in places that actors have either been dubbed...or dubbed over seemingly by themselves, I don't know why, but it makes for some hilariously awful moments.

So apparently in the subspecies universe, every vampire looks like Radu. Maybe not with that creepy ass face or the fingers but dress sense, hairstyle, mannerisms...it's all the same, Zachary even sounds like him, I'm sure that really reassures Sofia of her safety. Ironically the metrosexual Stefan was the most unique vampire out of them all. We do actually learn that vampires are either ugly or beautiful, the ugly ones are forced to hide away and the beautiful ones are able to live amongst the mortals - I could delve deeper and discuss this but that'd probably be giving Nicolaou more credit than he actually deserves.

Much like with the Subspecies franchise, a large chunk of Vampire Journals is simply exploring vampire lore, as Nicolaou continues to shape his version of the vampire. We learn that his vampires 'evolve' with age to get new abilities, so the older they are, the stronger they are and considering Michelle can already teleport, I'm not sure she needs any of the other powers when she 'evolves', guess she'll have to furiously tap b. These vampires also have a power called 'Mastering' which is basically your classic vampire Jedi Mind Trick stuff.

We also get a new weakness, apparently when vampires are at their most vulnerable other than when they are asleep, is when focusing on their prey, poised to feed, as their senses are completely focused on the prey so they wouldn't sense you if you launched a surprise attack.

There are some changes too, Ash apparently turns into some kind of corpse when he sleeps, waking up all creepy again the next day - whatever that is all about. And in the Subspecies franchise, when they flew around, they sort of were consumed by shadows, or at least that is how it looked, here they actually turn into shadows and it looks pretty goofy. Also when Ash dies by sunlight...it is nothing like how Radu dies by sunlight in the previous movie.

I could largely ignore every problem with this film...if it didn't get so incredibly boring. After the first forty or so minutes, as said, the film crawls along at a snails pace. I get the horror over action focus of the Subspecies films, I get the notion to centre more on visuals and atmosphere than narrative. But the difference is our protagonists there were largely human and had no experience in vampire hunting. Here though our central character is a vampire who has been killing vampires across the globe, so the fact he keeps saying 'now is not the time' to further pad out the film is extremely frustrating. And when Ash and Zachary finally do clash...it's much too rubbish to really be classed as amusing. It's just a bit shit, really. I guess that sums up the movie pretty well.

So do I recommend it? In Vampire Journals everything good is either reused stuff Nicolaou has done better in Subspecies already or just stuff taken from other movies and this would be fine, in a sense at least, but even the stuff you can enjoy is largely undermined by the much weaker aspects in the film, namely some absolutely atrocious acting and some dire pacing. Still, it's a much better film than either Bloodstone or Bloodlust were, even if that isn't saying a whole lot.

Think About It!

-Locke