Call of Duty: Black Ops.

Uni recommended I kept this blog up as apparently it makes employers more likely to pick you because you've done something outside of your degree. If they actually read these reviews, I wouldn't be so sure, unless I'm attempting to get employed by The Sun but there you go....

I'm gonna say in advanced, to avoid a huge backlash, this is on the online aspect of the game only because I remember the time I did an actual serious and in depth review of the single player on CoD 4 and no one gave a shit and no I didn't enjoy Black Ops if you've come here looking for me to praise the game, clearly you haven't read my other rant reviews. I will also admit I suck at this game. So keep your 'the games good you just suck' or 'y u mad tho' crap to yourselves, kay?

Enjoy!

Call of Duty 4 was the last CoD I played and it frustrated me so much I refused to touch World at War or Modern Warfare 2 with a yardstick (my penis). But seeing the brand new Black Ops at £30, it swayed me enough to give it a try. And it's just as frustrating. 'Why?', you might be wondering (or maybe not).

-Clears throat, big loud voice- KILLSTREAKS. What cunt thought that'd be a good element to introduce into the game? It means no one plays the game to have fun, they play it to get at the top of the leader board and what better way to do this? To release their 11 killstreak weapon of choice. How do they do this? They hide around corners, lay in tall grass, hide in the shadows or find glitches. 'What's wrong with this?' I probably hear the CoD players asking, confused. And I will tell them to go try playing that on another online FPS and watch as you are kicked from the game in minutes. Camping is one of the most reviled forms of online play and yet in CoD it's the accepted style of play. It makes no fucking sense.

But no, that was just frustrating, what made me turn off the game and refuse to play it again, lemme tell you a story... 

The game type was Headquarters, I had just taken my 26th death and 5th capture, about to seize my 8th defend with a little fag grenading when a voice came over my microphone. 

"Dude, you fucking suck!" Comes a high pitched, heavily American accented voice. I hit the back button to see who is talking, seeing he is the guy at the top of our leaderboard. 44 kills and only 12 deaths? Impressive, I admit. Hold on a second... 'captures: 0' 'defends: 0'. What the fuck? I then began to look down the list and this repeated, the other four people on my team had about three captures between them and only a handful of defends. I say again, what the fuck? He dares to call me sucky when I'm the only one playing the match type properly? If he wants to play a Deathmatch, why not just pick that game type? 

-Start, scroll, 'leave game', turn off console- 

If you weren't worth so much money on trade in I woulda gone and shat on you. Fuck you Black Ops. 

I was in one mind to start up a Deathmatch and shout over the mic, "So where are the flags then?!"

We talk about WoW being played by sweaty fifteen year olds who will never know anything other than the love of their palm and live off treacle out of the urn they'll rest in at around 24 from coronary heart disease. And then the idea is that CoD is played by greasy haired, shiny tracksuited, plastic jewellery clad chavs but really, I can't see it. Okay so being at the top of the leaderboard is true chav mentality fair enough, but to give Chav's their due, even if they don't do it themselves and bully someone else into it, they still normally attempt to actually physically achieve their goals and somehow, I just don't see chav's as having the attention span to spend 15 minutes in the same corner of a room trying to rack up their 11 killstreak. I'm not really sure where I was gonna go with this....but there ya go.

Admittedly when first placing Black Ops in your console, it's all very exciting. You level up fast, earn points, unlock weapons and perks and make your perfect soldier. But by the time you get around level 15 it becomes more and more of a grind to level up and you feel the stuff you unlock and the points you get just don't seem enough and slowly the game becomes a chore as you attempt to get to the better levels, a clever way to force you to play, admittedly. This worked on me like a charm on CoD4, I guess now I'm just more experienced to be able to see when I'm being played.

Snazzy conclusion tiem? Well the only thing I can think of is >inb4 DIS DUSZNT APEN TO MEH >inb4 DIZ REVEW IZ BOLUCKS U JUZT SUK AT IT. About mid way through editing and adding images this whole thing began to freeze and lag horribly, funny being that it never did that on Safari and is doing it now on Google Chrome and Google owns fucking Blogger, so sorry if there are spelling mistakes, typos and sorry for the lack of images, editing this has become impossible.

Think About It!

-Locke