Phantasm.

Delayed movie number two, here goes! To be honest this would have been out much sooner but this movie was a chore to get through. Anyway enjoy! (and no I won't be watching the sequels and reviewing them.)
This movie is just plain awful. For all the hate of cult 70's horror cinema, you have to admire the filmmaker's talent to some extent that they featured the kinds of things they did at such a small budget. And the reason I enjoyed so many of them and wanted to in turn experience this is they never fail at being great fun, they might not always be great movies but they are always fun. And that is Phantasm's greatest failing, it doesn't just look cheap, it feels it. The narrative feels much too heavy for the budget to handle and everything just falls down around it. And it isn't fun in the slightest.

Okay I guess that isn't completely fair there are a few enjoyable things in this movie. The little we see of Tall Man makes him seem an interesting villain, I mean at least he is actually a character of sorts, he makes a nice change from the demon/ghost/possesy thing that is the enemy of every modern horror movie. He is some kind of Super Strong invincible alien that has custard running through his veins, can shape shift into a hot blonde babe, fingers that when cut off turn into monster bugs and spheres that seem to have minds of their own armed with forks and drills.

And the sequence where the random guy who works for the Tall Man gets killed by one of the spheres has to be the best scene in the movie. And probably the only scene I could actually call good.

Although Tall Man is let down by the fact he comes from a planet of great heat and intense gravity so everyone is a dwarf (yeah I know that makes no sense in itself) but going by the movie's logic why is he so tall then? Yeah, don't expect any explanations because nothing is explained here. How any of his tech works, why and how he turns dead bodies into dwarf zombie custard slaves, what his world is exactly is, it's all just kinda there so you better believe this movie's narrative is an incoherent mess. It even has a double twist ending which I'm not even going to bother to explain, it makes no fucking sense.

What is it about? An alien called the Tall Man has come to Earth...somehow...to work at a Graveyard so he can rob the graves and turn dead bodies into dwarf slaves...for some reason. Then we find out that was all a dream. Then we close without knowing if it was a dream or not, the end!

So do I recommend this? Fuck no, this film is just awful. It makes no sense. The acting sucks. It looks cheap. Feels cheap. This is just a steaming pile of shit, avoid at all costs.

Think About It!

-Locke.